Been sitting on writing this post for a couple weeks now. It was originally meant as reflections post on Pow Wow Hawaii 2012. I was really surprised how much of an effect this trip had on me. I’ve always loved to travel, but never too fond of it because it just reminds me how much I miss home. People always ask me if I ever see myself living in another city than Toronto, up until maybe 3 weeks ago my answer has always been “No”, but now I am not so sure. Through Pow Wow, I got the chance to meet a lot of my peers that I’ve known of through the internet. Getting to chat and hang with them was quite a trip for me. One of the major turning point in my trip to Hawaii was going to panel discussion at U of H. Listening to Suitman, Frank Liew, Jeff Hamada, Eugene Kan, Ken Harman share their experiences working all over the world made me think “what the fuck am I doing in Toronto?”. It’s not a diss to my city but it made me realized how comfortable I got. I am 23, got a full time job, I don’t pay rent because I still stay at my parents’ place. Life if good right? But am I really living though? Some of these guys are only a couple years older than me and are all well traveled, worked in a lot of different countries. While here I am 23 years young, pretty content with a stable job, my plan was to just work, save some money perhaps get married in a couple years and start a family a couple years after that. Now don’t get me wrong, that ain’t so bad and I ‘ll be an ungrateful prick to whine about shit like this but I want more. I want to see the world, I want to perhaps work in a different city, maybe even in a different country. I want to be able to push myself to do things and experience things so (as cliche as this sounds) when I am old I won’t look back with regret.

Now I understand there’s a difference between saying (writing) this than executing it. I’ve thought this through and through a couple week since coming home. I am going to take time this year to take care of several things (portfolio, darkmatters, saving money etc) than I will start looking for places to go, apply to jobs else where and see where that takes me.

Last month has been kinda wild, super busy with what seem like an endless supply of jobs to get done and too little time to do them. It’s dying down now, I am really glad that it’s not so busy. I’ve never experienced the anxiety and stress that I’ve gone through from work in the past month. I often wondered what my breaking point was or when I will snap, I came close a couple times between mistakes and working consecutive nights of 12+ hour days. Thank god for my fellow co workers who helped me and reassured me that everything I am going through is just part of the job.

I am glad this last surge is over for now, I can rest easy for the next couple of days until I take off for Hawaii.

Still don’t give a shit, my ignorance is still a bliss

…wish you to be anything but yourself, so I shouldn’t have to be what I am not for you.